I told myself that I wasn't going to be one of those bloggers who posts about every detail of their daily lives, recounting events that are quite honestly interesting only to them. However... I decided to make an exception to my own rule because today marks a very special day. It's a day in which I felt something that I haven't felt in a very long time... nothing! That's right, I said "nothing". No depression... no uncontrollable crying spells... no thoughts of the worthlessness or hopelessness of my life... no elation... no boundless energy... no feeling like I'm Superwoman, Mother Theresa and Oprah, all rolled into one.
To the untrained eye, the concept of celebrating nothingness probably seems absurd. But my guess is that there's at least one other person with bipolar disorder who'll read these words and get it. As best I can recall, this latest in a life-long string of depressive episodes began in late July of last year. Immediately prior to that was my most pronounced hypomanic episode, which lasted 4 months. Although the distinction is not entirely clear to me, I think it may have been my first truly manic episode. I'm not sure that the distinction really matters much, certainly not in the context of this post. The point is simply that I've felt something - either really high or really low - constantly for a very long time now. I'd almost forgotten what's it's like to simply go through the day feeling, dare I say the dreaded N word - "normal". It's actually kind of nice.
This morning I got up and finished switching my seasonal wardrobes and re-organizing my closet - a project that I'd stopped in the middle of weeks ago. There were nights that I merely moved the stack of clothes over to one side of the bed, leaving just enough spare room for me to sleep. Now I can see the color of my bedspread, all of my clothes are hung by category and by color, and my bedroom looks inviting once again.
Next I stopped by Goodwill and donated some clothes, which always feels liberating, and then I went exploring in the little town near where I live. After an hour of so of walking around, I found myself getting tired, so rather than forcing myself to stay out all afternoon just to prove that I could, I stopped and picked up a few things from the grocery store and came home.
I contacted a good friend that I haven't seen in months and made plans to meet her for lunch and some knitting tomorrow afternoon. I'm actually looking forward to it, and since she's having relatives over for dinner later in the day, I even offered to bring food for lunch! I warned her that I wasn't up to fixing anything fancy, but I did make some baked spaghetti and I bought some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Too bad I didn't have a copy of Marja's upcoming cookbook today!
Now I'm about to settle down to an evening of knitting and watching DVDs. Lately, I've been craving old episodes of La Femme Nikita. So thanks to Netflix, the greatest invention since Al Gore invented the Internet, I've been renting the entire series. I've made it through the first 2 seasons (out of 5 or 6) and am about to start Season 3 tonight. In honor of the occasion, I'm treating myself to my absolute most favorite dessert in the entire world - warm blackberry cobbler with Breyer's Vanilla ice cream!
Here's hoping for more nothingness tomorrow!
To the untrained eye, the concept of celebrating nothingness probably seems absurd. But my guess is that there's at least one other person with bipolar disorder who'll read these words and get it. As best I can recall, this latest in a life-long string of depressive episodes began in late July of last year. Immediately prior to that was my most pronounced hypomanic episode, which lasted 4 months. Although the distinction is not entirely clear to me, I think it may have been my first truly manic episode. I'm not sure that the distinction really matters much, certainly not in the context of this post. The point is simply that I've felt something - either really high or really low - constantly for a very long time now. I'd almost forgotten what's it's like to simply go through the day feeling, dare I say the dreaded N word - "normal". It's actually kind of nice.
This morning I got up and finished switching my seasonal wardrobes and re-organizing my closet - a project that I'd stopped in the middle of weeks ago. There were nights that I merely moved the stack of clothes over to one side of the bed, leaving just enough spare room for me to sleep. Now I can see the color of my bedspread, all of my clothes are hung by category and by color, and my bedroom looks inviting once again.
Next I stopped by Goodwill and donated some clothes, which always feels liberating, and then I went exploring in the little town near where I live. After an hour of so of walking around, I found myself getting tired, so rather than forcing myself to stay out all afternoon just to prove that I could, I stopped and picked up a few things from the grocery store and came home.
I contacted a good friend that I haven't seen in months and made plans to meet her for lunch and some knitting tomorrow afternoon. I'm actually looking forward to it, and since she's having relatives over for dinner later in the day, I even offered to bring food for lunch! I warned her that I wasn't up to fixing anything fancy, but I did make some baked spaghetti and I bought some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Too bad I didn't have a copy of Marja's upcoming cookbook today!
Now I'm about to settle down to an evening of knitting and watching DVDs. Lately, I've been craving old episodes of La Femme Nikita. So thanks to Netflix, the greatest invention since Al Gore invented the Internet, I've been renting the entire series. I've made it through the first 2 seasons (out of 5 or 6) and am about to start Season 3 tonight. In honor of the occasion, I'm treating myself to my absolute most favorite dessert in the entire world - warm blackberry cobbler with Breyer's Vanilla ice cream!
Here's hoping for more nothingness tomorrow!
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