For many of us, memories of traumatic, challenging or otherwise stressful times can trigger bouts of depression. Sometimes I find myself ruminating about painful things from my past almost to the point of making myself sick. It's not that I want to dwell on the past. I don't. I've always said that if I could flick a switch and make those painful memories go away forever, I would.
Well, maybe there will be a way to do just that in my lifetime. According to a recent study, researchers at Harvard and McGill University (in Montreal) are working on an amnesia drug that "blocks or deletes bad memories. The technique seems to allow psychiatrists to disrupt the biochemical pathways that allow a memory to be recalled." The drug, propranolol, is used along with therapy to lessen the stressful reactions associated with memories of trauma victims.
I believe there's also a Jim Carey/Drew Barrymore movie with a similar theme about being able to elect to remove painful memories, although I haven't seen the movie. Another example of art imitating life, or vice versa.
Part of me believes that if given the opportunity to swallow a few pills and erase the painful memories of being assaulted, a string of painfully unsuccessful relationships, and a host of other experiences that are too long to list, I'd grab a bucket of water and swallow away. I can't imagine what life would be like without those shadows always lurking like ghosts, always waiting to jump out at the most inopportune moments.
But, on further reflection, I have to consider this question in light of the bigger picture. If I believe that my life's purpose is to be a voice and an advocate and a resource for women and young girls who have been victimized and broken, if I believe that it is my desire and my responsibility to turn my own pain into something positive by offering hope, or at least some light in the lives of other women who have suffered as I have, then I must accept the burdens of my painful past. Because it is that very thing which pains me the most that also gives me the compassion and the empathy I need to help others.
I'm not a doctor or a therapist. I'm not a lawyer or a victims' rights advocate. I'm simply a woman who has lived through hell, and survived to tell about it. And if sharing my story through blogs and books reminds just one woman or one young girl that they are not alone, that they deserve to be loved, accepted and respected despite what may have happened to them, then maybe all that pain will have been worth it.
So from now on, when I find myself drowning in painful memories, perhaps I'll think of propranolol. Perhaps I'll pretend that the choice is readily available to let all that pain go. And then I'll remember why I won't.
Well, maybe there will be a way to do just that in my lifetime. According to a recent study, researchers at Harvard and McGill University (in Montreal) are working on an amnesia drug that "blocks or deletes bad memories. The technique seems to allow psychiatrists to disrupt the biochemical pathways that allow a memory to be recalled." The drug, propranolol, is used along with therapy to lessen the stressful reactions associated with memories of trauma victims.
I believe there's also a Jim Carey/Drew Barrymore movie with a similar theme about being able to elect to remove painful memories, although I haven't seen the movie. Another example of art imitating life, or vice versa.
Part of me believes that if given the opportunity to swallow a few pills and erase the painful memories of being assaulted, a string of painfully unsuccessful relationships, and a host of other experiences that are too long to list, I'd grab a bucket of water and swallow away. I can't imagine what life would be like without those shadows always lurking like ghosts, always waiting to jump out at the most inopportune moments.
But, on further reflection, I have to consider this question in light of the bigger picture. If I believe that my life's purpose is to be a voice and an advocate and a resource for women and young girls who have been victimized and broken, if I believe that it is my desire and my responsibility to turn my own pain into something positive by offering hope, or at least some light in the lives of other women who have suffered as I have, then I must accept the burdens of my painful past. Because it is that very thing which pains me the most that also gives me the compassion and the empathy I need to help others.
I'm not a doctor or a therapist. I'm not a lawyer or a victims' rights advocate. I'm simply a woman who has lived through hell, and survived to tell about it. And if sharing my story through blogs and books reminds just one woman or one young girl that they are not alone, that they deserve to be loved, accepted and respected despite what may have happened to them, then maybe all that pain will have been worth it.
So from now on, when I find myself drowning in painful memories, perhaps I'll think of propranolol. Perhaps I'll pretend that the choice is readily available to let all that pain go. And then I'll remember why I won't.
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