Standing by unmanly men

I was shocked (although I probably shouldn't have been) and saddened (who wouldn't be?) at the sight of Mrs. Spitzer standing by her man as he resigned as the Governor of New York today. I don't think there's anything else that needs to be said about the former Governor's alleged participation in a prostitution ring. But when is enough enough when it comes to high-profile men further publicly humiliating and disgracing their wives in public?

There's a part of me that wants to be angry at "public wives" who allow themselves to be shamed publically as they stand stoically by their husbands as they confess (or deny) sexual allegations that have been made against them. I know that this is one of those situations that I shouldn't pass judgment on unless I've walked a mile in the wronged wife's glass slippers. But I simply can't understand why these women show up at the press conferences to stand by their men.

I understand full well why the accused husband, his political advisors, agents (in the case of celebrities), lawyers and financial advisors would stress the importance of having the wife stand by her man in a show of support. After all, if a man's wife, the one most deeply hurt by his betrayal, can forgive him, then who are we as Joe and Jane Public not to do the same? But what's in it for the wife? Is it ever in her best interest to stand there for the prying eyes of the world to see? I've heard the case made that some women do it for the sake of their children. That may be, but as a mother myself, I'd have to wonder what kind of message I'd be sending to my children if I stood publicly behind my husband after he'd betrayed every vow and promise he'd made to me and to them. I think I'd be telling my children that this type of behavior is acceptable, when it clearly is not.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in the power of forgiveness, and if a wife chooses to forgive her husband, that's certainly her right. But for Heaven's sake, why do women believe that they owe it to anybody to stand there with him in the midst of a public scandal, pretending like everything is just fine when it so clearly is not? Where did this idea of wives falling on the sword for their cheating husbands come from? And how do we make it stop?

That said, as a Christian woman, as a former wife, and as a mother, my heart goes out to Mrs. Spitzer. While I completely disagree with her decision to stand with her man today, it was her decision to make. I pray that she and her daughters will find comfort and healing. And I hope that there's a big fat settlement check waiting for her at the end of all this. She certainly deserves compensation for the job she performed today.