Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Excellent advice for breaking up

Breaking up sucks. There's no nice way to say it. Whether you're the breaker or the breakee, breaking up is hard and it usually hurts like hell. But my guess is that what makes most break-ups so painful is not the dissolution of the partnership as much as the way it's handled. I'm not sure why, but it seems that leaving gracefully, showing at least a semblence of courtesy, dignity, respect and concern for the other party is something that people seem to really have trouble with. Perhaps it's fear, or apathy, or pride, or embarassment that causes previously thoughtful and loving people to become apathetic, inconsiderate, unkind, or perhaps worst of all - to disappear without a trace.

I was talking to a friend last night who is known for giving great dating advice. I think she outdid herself this time though. We were talking about the difficulty that people have breaking up, and she said that she's figured out how to make it painstakingly simple for a guy who's not interested in seeing her any more to let her know. She said that she'd picked a "break-up song" and when she's dated a guy long enough to care if the relationship ends, she gives him a copy of the song and tells him that if he decides he doesn't want to see her anymore, and can't bring himself to tell her, then call her and play the song and she'll "get it."

I know, it sounds rather sophomoric, but it never ceases to amaze me how people end up breaking up. In an ideal world, when a relationship is no longer working, the party who wants to leave would chose a quiet, private place and tell the other person how much they cherished the good times they spent together, thank them for all they've given to the relationship, and explain the reasons why the relationship is no longer working. Even if it has to do with the other person, there's got to be a kind way to point out the problems while at the same time preserving that person's dignity. And for God's sake, if it's not because of the other person, say that too. There's nothing more cowardly than letting another person believe they are responsible for unresolved issues that are yours, not theirs. Oh wait... there is one thing more cowardly than that... not saying anything at all. When it comes to breaking up, no news is definitely not good news. If you cared enough for a person to become involved in a relationship with them, then no matter what went wrong, you should care enough about them to end it in an honest and decent way.

Sadly, this is not an ideal world and as long as people (and in my case, men) have such a hard time breaking up gracefully, I'm going to make it easy. The next time (if there is a next time) that I date a man, if he can't give it to me straight, I'm going to give it to him easy. I'm going to burn a CD of my break up song for him. When he's ready to bolt, all I ask is that he pick up the phone, dial my number, put the phone down near the speaker and play my song. Trust me, I'll get the message. Now, it can't get any easier than that!

How did we ever survive without Google? Pick your favorite break-up song here.

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