I'm working on a theory about bipolar and depression disorders. The traditional view seems to be that emotions are a symptom, or a by-product, of the disorders. However, for me, emotions seem to be at the crux of the matter, not the other way around.
Unlike many people with bipolar or depression who have episodes that are tripped by an often unknown switch, at any time, I can trace every serious depressive and hypomanic episode to a specific situation that was occurring at the time. In every instance, these "triggers" resulted in a rush of emotions, feelings that would normally be expected given the situation. The emotions in and of themselves were not the problem and in fact, would probably have represented a healthy response to the circumstance at the time. However, it was the overabundance of emotions which, when unfiltered and unchecked, led to an episode.
Could it be that the biochemical processes that cause bipolar disorder and depression disorders involve a massive overdose of emotion and/or that they significantly reduce or retard our mind's natural abilities to regulate sensory perception of these emotions?
I am not dismissing the existence of a biochemical process at the heart of bipolar/depression. I think certain people are born with a predisposition to developing these disorders and when this predisposition is coupled with some sort of emotional and/or physical trauma, it's no wonder that the smoldering cauldron of feelings eventually overflows. I think the process is similar to that of people who are predisposed to, and eventually manifest, cancer, diabetes or heart disease.
What I am saying is that maybe, just maybe, if we accept the possibility that our emotions, our feelings, are critical to the equation... and if we can accept at least partial responsibility for our emotions (even if we don't feel we can control the intensity with which we feel them), then perhaps we can fight some of the negative aspects of these disorders and minimize the disruption they cause in our lives.
When I'm depressed, I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. My energy, my ability to perceive happiness or pleasure, and even the vividness with which I can see colors changes. An emotional vacuum is created, and because nature abhors a vacuum, emotions must come from somewhere to fill the void.
In the past, logic, reason, intuition and my sense of spiritual connection have automatically been replaced by hopelessness, pessimism, apathy, anger, self-blame and self-pity. I don't consciously choose to feel these things - it's as if they are my "default" feelings when depression sets in.
So, finally recognizing this pattern of dark thoughts filling the vacuum, I began to wonder what would happen if I made a conscious choice to fill the void with other, more positive and productive feelings. Could I change the predictable course of my depression by taking my mind off of emotional cruise-control and taking control of the wheel, the accelerator and the brakes?
I've been writing lately about the process of reflection I'm going through as I deal with a very difficult personal situation - one that in times past would have sent me flying head-first into the deep, dark abyss of depression. But this time it hasn't. Does it still hurt? Yes. Is it hard fighting the depression? Affirmative. But the important this is that I am fighting it and so far, I'm winning.
Next up, I'll share what I'm doing. If there are others who'd be willing to try a similar approach, I'd love to know if you find it helpful, it certainly can't hurt.
(to be continued...)
Unlike many people with bipolar or depression who have episodes that are tripped by an often unknown switch, at any time, I can trace every serious depressive and hypomanic episode to a specific situation that was occurring at the time. In every instance, these "triggers" resulted in a rush of emotions, feelings that would normally be expected given the situation. The emotions in and of themselves were not the problem and in fact, would probably have represented a healthy response to the circumstance at the time. However, it was the overabundance of emotions which, when unfiltered and unchecked, led to an episode.
Could it be that the biochemical processes that cause bipolar disorder and depression disorders involve a massive overdose of emotion and/or that they significantly reduce or retard our mind's natural abilities to regulate sensory perception of these emotions?
I am not dismissing the existence of a biochemical process at the heart of bipolar/depression. I think certain people are born with a predisposition to developing these disorders and when this predisposition is coupled with some sort of emotional and/or physical trauma, it's no wonder that the smoldering cauldron of feelings eventually overflows. I think the process is similar to that of people who are predisposed to, and eventually manifest, cancer, diabetes or heart disease.
What I am saying is that maybe, just maybe, if we accept the possibility that our emotions, our feelings, are critical to the equation... and if we can accept at least partial responsibility for our emotions (even if we don't feel we can control the intensity with which we feel them), then perhaps we can fight some of the negative aspects of these disorders and minimize the disruption they cause in our lives.
When I'm depressed, I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. My energy, my ability to perceive happiness or pleasure, and even the vividness with which I can see colors changes. An emotional vacuum is created, and because nature abhors a vacuum, emotions must come from somewhere to fill the void.
In the past, logic, reason, intuition and my sense of spiritual connection have automatically been replaced by hopelessness, pessimism, apathy, anger, self-blame and self-pity. I don't consciously choose to feel these things - it's as if they are my "default" feelings when depression sets in.
So, finally recognizing this pattern of dark thoughts filling the vacuum, I began to wonder what would happen if I made a conscious choice to fill the void with other, more positive and productive feelings. Could I change the predictable course of my depression by taking my mind off of emotional cruise-control and taking control of the wheel, the accelerator and the brakes?
I've been writing lately about the process of reflection I'm going through as I deal with a very difficult personal situation - one that in times past would have sent me flying head-first into the deep, dark abyss of depression. But this time it hasn't. Does it still hurt? Yes. Is it hard fighting the depression? Affirmative. But the important this is that I am fighting it and so far, I'm winning.
Next up, I'll share what I'm doing. If there are others who'd be willing to try a similar approach, I'd love to know if you find it helpful, it certainly can't hurt.
(to be continued...)
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