When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I started reading bipolar blogs and attending bipolar support groups. I don't want to offend anyone, but one of the things that struck me was how depressing and overwhelming it all was. While I was relieved to know that I wasn't alone, I was scared to death that the diagnosis meant that I would lose my sense of humor, my optimism and my hope for a bright future.
I stopped going to the support group meetings and I stopped reading a lot of the blogs and decided instead to write my own. I needed to believe that I could not only survive the diagnosis, but that I could overcome it, and I realized that I could only do that by taking control of the situation and figuring out how to make the most of it. And part of this process meant blogging to heal, not only my own emotional wounds, but hopefully, helping others do the same thing too. (I'll be writing more on this in the coming months).
I believe that when we honestly make the effort to help ourselves, that God steps in makes things happen. He's willing to meet us more than half-way, but we need to be serious about doing our part first. In my case, that help came in the form of a very dear friend, Susan, who like me, was also diagnosed as atypical bipolar II (episodes are predominantly medication-resistant depressions with mild hypomania).
I stopped going to the support group meetings and I stopped reading a lot of the blogs and decided instead to write my own. I needed to believe that I could not only survive the diagnosis, but that I could overcome it, and I realized that I could only do that by taking control of the situation and figuring out how to make the most of it. And part of this process meant blogging to heal, not only my own emotional wounds, but hopefully, helping others do the same thing too. (I'll be writing more on this in the coming months).
I believe that when we honestly make the effort to help ourselves, that God steps in makes things happen. He's willing to meet us more than half-way, but we need to be serious about doing our part first. In my case, that help came in the form of a very dear friend, Susan, who like me, was also diagnosed as atypical bipolar II (episodes are predominantly medication-resistant depressions with mild hypomania).
I'd imagine there are some who'd argue that it might not be the most practical idea for two people who are both bipolar to act as a primary support system for each other. I'd guess that if they are both extremely depressed or highly hypomanic at the same time, that things could get complicated. However, there are certain advantages of having a best friend who's bipolar that are undeniable.
We understand each others' moods. We can tell by the *tone* of our many-times-per-day e-mails how the other is feeling. It's rarely necessary to struggle to find the words to explain the myriad of moods we experience.
We usually know what to say (or not to say) when it's been a rough day. Because we understand the mood, and because we're so alike in so many ways, it's much easier to know how to respond because we can truly empathize with each other. If I'm not sure what to do or say, I ask myself what I would want her to say or do if the situation were reversed.
We're committed to honesty and we trust each other's motivation. Because we both value emotional honesty, we trust each other with our thoughts and feelings. We know that anything that we do or say is done with only the best of intentions, which means we can trust and value whatever is said and we respect each other's opinions. We don't have to pull punches with each other. If Susan tells me I'm over-reacting or that I've spent enough time feeling sorry for myself and now it's time to get up off my a** and do something constructive, I know that her only reason for saying that is because she believes in her heart that it's true... and she's usually right.
We have the same end-goal in mind. Because we are both determined to live life to it's fullest, rather than considering bipolar disorder to be a death sentence, we seem to always be able to support each other and lift each other up. Even when we're both feeling down, one of us always seems able to find something funny (even if it's funny because it's pathetic) to bring a smile to the other. I can honestly say that I've never had an e-mail exchange or a phone call with her in which I didn't feel better when we ended than I did when we started.
I am so thankful that I have a friend, a sister, a confidant, a business partner and a fellow traveler along this journey to wellness. I wish that everyone could be so richly blessed.
5 comments:
How rich we are when we have a best friend like that! You and Susan are indeed fortunate.
One good thing about having a friendship where both parties are bipolar is that you can support and be supported equally. That is, there is a balance of support between you.
My best friend, a person who has been a mentor and my major supporter, does not have bipolar disorder and does not fully understand. Yet she has been very helpful because of her godly compassion. I've needed her terribly at times.
But the problem with a relationship like that is that it tends to be unbalanced. She is mostly supporter and I am mostly the supported one. I've had huge struggles trying to balance out the relationship - trying to encourage her to lean on me once in a while as well. I don't want to always be the weak one. I want to be there for her as well - yet it's hard for her to let me take that role.
But she understands how I feel and I've worked hard to teach her to be as a sister, rather than a mother figure. It's working. I'm finding lots of opportunities now to support her as well. And I feel better about myself because of that. Yet this continues to be a constant struggle.
That's a long-winded way of explaining how neat it is for you to have a friend who also has bipolar disorder. So much easier. It makes for a well balanced relationship.
Thanks, Marja. What an insightful comment. I hadn't thought about things from that perspective and it's an excellent one. I think you've inspired another post! :)
Yeah, some of those bipolar stories are so extreme. Now, while my bipolar is also oppressive in the dark times, I have been mostly functional, and haven't gone off the deep end, by God's grace, knock on wood. So glad that you're using blogging and writing as a means to process and to encourage others.
Sydney,
This post brought tears to my eyes! Back at you dear friend!
Love,
Susan
It's wonderful to hear someone defend friendships where both are bipolar. I met one of my closest friends because we were both inpatients at the same place. We both know that our meeting was God's plan, not coincidence, and I don't know what we'd do without each other.
When before it sometimes seemed like it was too frustrating, impossible, or just plain too much work to tell someone what was going on (which then led to me either hiding out and not talking to anyone or doing anything for days... or me making snap decisions on my own and no one having any idea what I was up to), now I have someone I can just TALK to, without having to explain myself or my train of thought. Chances are, she's thought the same thing... no matter how irrational.
Being close to her is easier than with people I've known my whole life because we can both accept things for what they are, no explanations necessary. We both know that not everything we do/lay has a good reason behind it, and we both know what it's like to have done/said something you normally wouldn't, and then be uncomfortable when you admit to it and well-meaning people want to know why or start to judge.
Also, like marja pointed out, I feel comfortable asking for whatever I need from steph because I know she understands I'm not just being high-maintenance... and also because I know that she will ask the same of me.
occasionally one of us runs across a therapist or doctor that doesn't think one nutcase leaning on another nutcase is a good idea, or has a problem with me putting her parents down as my emergency contacts instead of my own (I go to school 5 miles from her parents and 900 miles from mine... I reason that in an emergency, people 5 min away are probably going to be more useful than people a plane ride away. but maybe that's just me.)
when this happens, we usually end up laughing about what a weird friendship we have, and wondering if there are other pairs like us out there... and whether we really ARE a bad idea. It's reassuring to hear there are other people it has worked for. :)
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